Archives for 2016

Newtown Family Therapy & Wellness

October 19, 2016 By Katie Nash, LCSW Leave a Comment

I’m not sure I can say that opening Newtown Family Therapy always meant eventually having it evolve into a wellness center. The idea was always there, but I was completely unsure how this venture would go and what the need and response would be to it. I don’t think I could have imagined that a year and nine months after opening our doors we would be where we are today. What started as one office and one therapist is now 4 offices, 3 therapists, 1 massage therapist, and 1 acupuncturist. As with many things, it was in the evolution that it became clear to me why it was working and what was needed to move forward.

I remember vividly the time in my life when the word wellness suddenly came to hold a deep meaning for me personally. It was when I needed it the most and when I understood it the least. I was young and felt “unwell” due to a life lived going full speed ahead and never stopping to properly breathe or care for myself. Without going into the gory details of my own evolution I feel charged to share that without the things I feel so passionately about now, namely therapy, acupuncture, healing touch, meditation, and connection, I would be lost. Wellness to me speaks to the life long process of understanding yourself physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It goes beyond seeking a “quick fix” to cure all that ails you to starting the journey to truly understanding yourself and what you need to be well in all areas of your life. Dr. Bill Hettler, co-founder of the National Wellness Institute, developed an interdependent model of wellness that includes 6 categories necessary to balance and wellness: Occupational, Physical, Social, Intellectual, Spiritual, and Emotional. It’s easy to be doing well in one of those areas and suffering in many of the others. What happens then is unbalance and unrest internally.

I believe we can’t do this alone. Any of us. Wellness is a team concept. One that needs connection and honesty to thrive. It is this belief that brought me to turning my private practice into a wellness center. I was seeing clients and constantly looking for other ways to help them and connect them to resources that they needed. My dream of being able to do that all in one place came to fruition as did opening Newtown Family Therapy & Wellness, I knew it was time and the doors opened up in front of me as I pushed on them.

The first step towards wellness starts with owning your story, knowing you want to feel better overall, and taking responsibility for your life. The minute you do that the doors will open for you to begin creating change. I hope we can help in more ways than one. In addition to therapy we now offer online therapy for those who can’t make it to the office, acupuncture, cupping, and massage therapy.

Therapist, Not Magician

July 7, 2016 By Drea Purdy, LMFT

In consideration of how to introduce myself as the most recent addition to the wonderful Newtown Family Therapy group, I would like to begin by saying that I wish we could all live in a sorrow free world with the only and ultimate superpower being love. I wish I had a magic wand that could eliminate all things born from the opposite.

However, because I (and you) live in the actual world, I believe I must be responsible for my own happiness as well as find a way to deal with my own pain. It would be lovely if all of those positive quotes on Facebook could provide enough permanent motivation for a complete perspective shift on those occasions when that is called for, but sometimes we need something more in the way of help if and when our suffering becomes too great and whatever we have been doing until now isn’t working anymore.

Or when loss flips our lives upside down and we can’t organize our minds in a way that makes the intolerable tolerable. When our relationships still aren’t working because other people refuse to do exactly what we think they need to do. When our frustration at something seemingly small is completely disproportionate to the actual event due to some unexpressed (until then) sadness about nothing in particular we can pinpoint, or maybe just a whole bunch of things combined. Perhaps those things have gotten compounded by society/parents/friends trying to “fix” by talking you out of having your real feelings all along.

While I do not possess the wand, I do believe there is some magic involved in a really good therapeutic relationship. I have seen this foundation lead to much healing. To less suffering, to changed attitudes and more acceptance. When we find healthier ways of expressing our feelings about so many things we have no control over, depression and anxiety have less power.

I know of no simple solution to our struggles, but I believe that it is in the work we do together that we find possibilities.

Meditation: Killing of the "Self"?

June 14, 2016 By Rebecca Velasquez, LCSW

I pose that radical question to you. Meditators often see the spiritual awakening that is, in essence, the inevitable outcome of a long-term practice of meditation as the “death of the self” or the “death of the ego.” Like a caterpillar that must die before becoming a butterfly, the “ego self” of human beings must die in order to become “awakened” or “enlightened.” This process is often experienced as an unraveling of the self or a total surrender into the vast unknown.

I worked with a client deep in the throws of grief weeks after the death of her spouse; she had two small children and was working full-time to put food on the table. She wanted to learn how to meditate in the midst of her crisis. I introduced her to an exercise entailing observing her thoughts. She stated that her perpetual thought at the time was, “I want to kill myself.” For purposes of the exercise in observing her mind, I enabled her to see that the thought “I want to kill myself” (although capable of triggering the emotions of despair) was a thought just as much as “what will I have for dinner.” (It is important to note that every therapist must always take appropriate measures to keep clients safe in situations where there is a threat of harm to one’s physical self or others and to take necessary actions to ensure safety, as I did with this client).

Yet, “I want to kill myself,” is felt and often said by individuals who feel at the end of their rope, desperate, alone, cannot go a step further on this path or in this life or with the experience of certain emotions. Further, there is an experience of being “done” with the self or this life following a willingness to surrender to the vast unknown. Looking still deeper, we remember the words of various meditation gurus/teachers who have embarked on the journey of regular meditation as a result of feeling that they could not continue on the path they were on and were willing to seek an answer to the age old question, “Is there more to life than just this?” Many of the well-known enlightened gurus/teachers we read about share a similar story of hitting a wall of despair — becoming so disenchanted with their shallow existence, not knowing which door to open or knock on (or even knowing that there was a door on which to knock). Then, on the other side of that despair, a rebirth or spiritual awakening arises.

So, as it is in nature, death gives birth to something new. Perhaps it’s awakening to — or awareness of — the preciousness or true value of life in the midst of a loved one’s death. Maybe it’s the desire to kill off old patterns or ways of one’s self that are no longer working to then provide for the awakening to our most authentic selves. Perhaps it’s the shedding of relationships or friendships that no longer serve us in order to make way for new, vibrant and healthier connections with others. So, is there a part of yourself or your life that you want or need to “kill off” in order to reach your full potential as a human being? Perhaps we can invite this concept of “death of ego self” (as opposed to physical death) into our lives as a pathway to creating new beginnings in our life and doorways to a richer and more fulfilling life.

(Disclosure: The information and thoughts provided in the above article are not, in any way, to be construed as either encouragement or permission to do bodily harm of any kind to one’s self or to others. If anyone reading this article has such an urge or intent, it is imperative that he or she call 911 Emergency or 211 Mobile Crisis Hotline without delay. Short or long term psychotherapy sessions can also be a resource for individuals experiencing disturbing thought or emotions).

"Stop Crying"

April 1, 2016 By Katie Nash, LCSW

My husband had a business trip in Florida this past week and I decided to pack up my 18 month old son and myself and tag along for some sun and warm weather. I am so glad I did as it was just what we all needed as we eagerly await the real arrival of spring. Traveling back home is never as much fun as traveling to wherever you are going. We got up at 4:30am to pack up and head to the airport for our 7am flight. While my husband and I could rationalize and understand and drink coffee to cope with the feeling of being ripped from our beds and our vacation at an ungodly hour, our 18 month old couldn’t do any of those things. For the most part he was a dream and the whole travel experience seemed to be more exciting than anything else for him. But there were moments when I could see in his eyes and hear in his consistent repetition of saying “mama” over and over that he was cooked and needed to be back home surrounded by familiarity and structure.

Our flight was full of families as Florida is such a wonderful and convenient trip from the northeast. The flight was rather turbulent and I think we were all relieved to touch down at JFK and have our feet on the ground again. In making our way through the airport out to our car with all of our bags, tired, hungry, and missing the sun and palm trees, I noticed another family that had been on our flight with two kids a bit older than mine. The little girl who was probably around 5 was crying loudly, hysterically, dramatically, and without ceasing. I saw the look on her parents’ faces, they had another little boy in tow younger than she was, bags hanging from each shoulder, a look of sheer exhaustion on their faces that I am sure mirrored ours. And then the father stopped them, looked his daughter in the face, and screamed loudly “stop crying, stop crying, STOP CRYING!” Which in turn, and without surprise, made her cry even harder, to which he rolled his eyes and they continued making their way through the airport. For a moment I could relate to every single member of that family. I could relate to the little girl that was crying, tired from traveling, probably hungry, sick of walking and carrying her small backpack full of treasures. I could relate to the mother carrying the little boy, her arms aching from the weight of everything she had been lugging around since before dawn that morning. And I could relate to the father screaming at his daughter, desperate for some quiet, to be done traveling, and to have the crying JUST STOP.

Being a parent takes more self restraint than any job I have ever had. It pushes me through a maze of emotions on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. In the midst of the most ethereal joy I have ever known there are also moments of complete frustration where I question myself and life and everything in between. As a therapist and a person who has overcome my own personal battles throughout life I am keenly aware of the toll that emotional neglect has on a person’s life and psyche. I am more aware of this in the moments where my son is literally hanging from my leg as I try to make dinner, go to the bathroom, or fold laundry, than I am of my frustration. There are far too many people in this world who were told at a small and most impressionable age to “stop crying”, sending the message that feelings are not ok unless they are acceptable and comfortable. So they learn to stuff their sadness, their disappointment, their hurt, their anger, and their fear. They stuff it and it festers and grows and becomes a lump that never goes away. It manifests as headaches, stomachaches, dry skin, insomnia, depression, anxiety, insecurity. How is one supposed to shut off the negative feelings that are a part of being human? The only way to do it is to also shut off the positive ones. So people numb. They numb instead of communicating, instead of feeling, instead of embracing the dark along with the light. They end up living half a life.

But there is another option, especially as parents. We can teach our children it is ok to have all of their feelings. That doesn’t mean giving them exactly what they want when they cry, it doesn’t mean catering to their every disappointment and whimper to ease their discomfort. It means sitting with them in their discomfort and allowing them to feel their feelings. It means normalizing their experience and teaching them that it is ok to cry. This is true and equally as important in adulthood as it is in childhood. We must give one another permission and space to feel, even when it is uncomfortable.

My toddler has temper tantrums, just like any other, and what I always choose to do is to sit with him in it, wait it out, and make sure he hears me calmly say I am here and ready to comfort him when he wants it. Eventually he stops crying and crawls into my lap, exhausted from the surge of feelings he has just experienced and knowing he is not alone. It’s what we all need sometimes. In the darkness when the world feels cold and lonely, we need to know we aren’t alone and our feelings are our road back to the light.

Top 10 Reasons To Jump Into Psychotherapy

March 3, 2016 By Rebecca Velasquez, LCSW

Psychotherapists can help people of all different ages and lifestyles live happier, healthier and more productive lives.

1) Better Communication. We need to learn how to communicate better. Period. Regardless of whether or not you grew up in a healthy family with excellent communication skills or not, we can all benefit from learning better communication skills.

2) Stress/Anxiety/Depression Relief. Psychotherapy sessions provide an opportunity for individuals to be able to discuss the causes of the stress, anxiety and/or depression in their life as well as gain valuable tools from a professional.

3) Objectivity. Psychotherapy provides a supportive environment that enables one to discuss his/her issues openly with someone who is objective, neutral and nonjudgmental.

4) Chronic Pain Relief. According to the study of bioenergetics, we humans hold emotions, trauma and stress in our bodies. Through the use of psychotherapy to relieve stress and anxiety, clients can experience a reduction or complete eradication of their pain symptoms.

5) Self Care. Through the work of psychotherapy, clients can begin to see ways to take better care of themselves emotionally, mentally, and physically that will result in more balance in their lives.

6) Combat Self-Defeating Thought Patterns. Psychotherapists help clients peel back the layers of the client’s inner self, while helping him or her identify and replace negative thought patterns that stand in the way of their living happier, more satisfying lives.

7) Healthier Marriages/Relationships. Even the most united couples sometimes need assistance to maintain healthy communication with each other. Psychotherapists can work to help couples identify and move beyond roadblocks through various methods to enable them to love and respect each other more fully and find more fulfillment in their relationship/marriage.

8) Happier Families. We all just want to get along! But sometimes family dynamics can be challenging and too difficult to overcome “in house”. Psychotherapists are trained to help family members identify and learn how to meet and respect their own needs and the needs of family members in order to create a more loving family environment.

9) Parenting/Discipline Issues. Psychotherapists can work with parents to help them to create healthy boundaries with their children and work through other challenges of parenting, offering tools to help foster better parenting skills and hence healthier and more satisfying parent/child relationships.

10) Joy! Once a client begins to believe and trust in the therapeutic relationship, he/she can have confidence that they will work toward successful issue resolution that will also serve as a model for other healthy relationships. Once clients can truly engage in this process, they begin to recover the child-like joy for life within themselves that was always part of them. Often this joy is buried under stress, trauma, worry and the inability to provide a release through beneficial communication with another person.